~So Thankful~

I think I am going to start doing Thankful Thursday posts, because it's alliteration and it is good to be thankful. Of course, I did not come up with this idea until last night. Therefore, we have our first Thankful Thursday on Friday!

~Today I am Thankful For....~

*Sunshine-it was rainy yesterday

*Fall Leaves

*Coffee with Pumpkin Spice Creamer

*My Slanket-(LOVE-my friend Tara and I were going to make an E-harmony add with all comments and pictures including my first love-the slanket. I think it would have been a huge hit-ha!)

*A Good Run-yes, I have made myself keep going

*Anticipation for Tomorrow-going to the down town Farmer's Market and Coffee Shop

*Amelia-she keeps acting like she is going to kiss me then biting my face off-ha...I need to dedicate a post entirely to her!!

*My Squishy Chair-my favorite spot in my room to read, journal, job hunt etc...

*Mountain Views-there are few places in town where you can't see mountains, and there are some particularly fantastic views on my daily runs!

*That Most of These are FREE-ha!

What are you thankful for today?

Surrender...No Really, Surrender

“...God is close to you. He is within you. Only you should surrender to Him and you will rise above happiness and unhappiness.”
Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

I have a tattoo on my left wrist of the word surrender. I got the tattoo on my 29th birthday after a particularly difficult season of life. I had basically spent the previous two years being angry with God. You see my life was not what I thought it should be. I did not have the job that I wanted, I did not have the relationship I wanted, I did not have the life that I wanted-and of course this was all because God had chosen to close doors I so wanted open.

I know this sounds completely bratty and selfish, but you see my perspective was so off that I could not even see it that way. I had had an expectation of what my life was going to hold (including marriage or-when that didn't work out-a single life where I could afford to support myself well), and when I found myself in Athens, GA with nothing more than a hurt heart and a menial job-I was devastated. How could God have left me like this? How could He deny me the things I desired most? I would grieve and plead in turn over this perceived punishment of the LORDS. I would grieve over past sins that I was so sure led to my current predicament, and plead with God not to withhold His love from me forever.

There would come flashes of insight over the next months(Thanks to a wonderful roommate and church family who persisted in speaking truth into my life:). Moments where I would be able to see that maybe being unmarried and scraping by were not results of God's wrath, but apart of His bigger plan for my life. But, it seemed that as soon as I started to come around my life would be shaken up into a new upheaval! Over the two years I lived in Athens: the medical office where I worked sold their practice leaving me with no insurance and 20 hrs less in work a week (this happened over ONE weekend!), I worked at a call center attempting to sell computer equipment I did not understand to people, and ended up teaching at a preschool making $3 less an hour than I needed to make. I remember one particularly difficult week, just sobbing on the floor asking God why He was making things so hard for me. I. Just. Wanted. To. Pay. My. Bills!!! I. Just. Wanted. To. Support. Myself! WHY, since He had not provided a husband, was He making supporting myself so difficult!?!

My "OH!" moment did not come until New Year 2010. My roommate (a very Godly, very patient girl-love you Tara!), had invited several friends from a ministry group from her college days over to ring in the year. I decided -after some hesitation ( I was fully prepared to ring in the New Year with cookies and misery)-to participate in her party. We started off with food and fun, but as the new year approached ended up all sharing what the previous year had held. I was amazed as each person spoke of struggles and victories with consistent joy and trust in their Savior. I knew I was missing something. When midnight struck, our party decided to head outside and ring in the year properly. When I stepped outside I was met with the most beautiful, clear moon with a rainbow surrounding it. This was-for me-a promise reminder from the LORD. Not that my life was going to get easier and all the problems were just going to disappear, but like He was saying-"Girl, I see you. I know you think you are drowning, but I see you and I AM FAITHFUL!".

The next morning I spent some real time thinking about God and His character, and I came to a couple of conclusions. First of all, God's main desire in my life is NOT my happiness or even my provision (SHOCKER)-His first priority in my life is to do whatever He has to do to get me in real relationship with Him. Secondly, if what happens in life is so my relationship with the LORD will grow deeper, then IT IS GOOD. No exceptions! No matter what happens! No matter how I feel about it or how it looks to the world or how much it hurts-IT IS GOOD and IT IS LOVE-I chose to surrender to that truth! Honestly-it has made all the difference.

I am SO very glad that God was patient with me, and for people who were loving to me over those years. I am SO thankful God chose to work this out in me on that January night. It is those truths-that memory of a rainbow covered moon-that hold me as I search for jobs in Virginia, as I am led to sell my car, and as I am required to depend on the hospitality and generosity of others (even though there are times I am tempted to think I would rather live on the streets than have to continue this). I do not like these things....these things are HARD! I don't know why I have not been able to find employment despite my applying like crazy, but I DO know that it does not have to defeat me! -AND, thankfully, the same truth is for every person God calls His own:)!

"Rejoice in the LORD always. I will say it again: REJOICE!"

Philippians 4:4

The Grumpies...

“The growth of wisdom may be gauged exactly by the diminution of ill temper.”

~Friedrich Nietzsche

Can I just be honest with you guys? I have been in a HORRIBLE mood today! I am not exactly sure the origin of the mood. But after finding out I had not been chosen (yet again) for the most recent jobs I had interviewed for, and spending the entire morning feeling overwhelmed as I surfed different employment sites (Sidenote: Can anyone give me any advice for navigating these sites? I have NOT figured out the system yet! I get so overwhelmed by what I want to do , where I want to be-Virginia?Georgia?California?-that an hour later I will have applied for one job, read all about teaching in China, researched a job exchange program in New Zealand, looked into becoming a missionary, and seriously considered adding E-Harmony to Monster Jobs. com on my list of options-ha!)-I was just kind of over the day!

I really don't enjoy being in a HORRIBLE mood. It is definitely one of those spiritual jiggly spots I was talking about yesterday. When I allow myself to indulge in this attitude, there is nobody in doubt of my sin nature! My HORRIBLE moods tend to manifest themselves in things that on an everyday bases would cause me some annoyance, but on these days allow an irrational rage to rise up inside me! I will give you some examples:

Personalized License Plate Tags in VA (EVERYBODY has them here with clever sayings like $$$$$ printed on them ): on a normal day I might feel a mild irritation, but on a grumpy day I literally want to rip these people's tag off and hit them with it!

Charmin Bear Toilet Paper Commercials: on a normal day I may just get creeped out and change the channel, but on a grumpy day I want to write a hate letter to whatever genius thought it would be "cute" to show little bears dancing around with toilet paper on their rears-it's just creepy.

Cake Boss on TLC: on a normal day this would maybe not even register, but on a grumpy day when I really just want TLC to replay their Exclusive Sister Wives Interview (please don't judge me) so I can see it-the excessive Cake Boss reruns may cause me to vow never to watch TLC again!

Ya'll I am a SINNER, and I need Jesus every second of everyday! I am SO glad He chose to save me despite of not because of myself! With this being said, I think I should probably go get myself together and start this day over!

Run, Girl, Run!

I am not a skinny girl by any means. I have always struggled a bit with the battle of the chub-ha! Most of high school and a lot college was spent in an unhealthy cycle of trying to lose weight. I wasted a lot of years riding the highs and lows of how loose or tight my jeans fit-and let's face it, it is never fun to have tight jeans! As I have gotten older I have found that the best way (for me) to keep a proper perspective on looks is exercise. My preferred form of exercise is running outside( I know LOTS of girls who HATE running, but love to walk, bike ride, dance, etc...I say whatever works for ya!). I enjoy taking in nature and fresh air, the change of scenery, and the chance to process. Not only is running good for me physically, but I have found that I am healthier mentally, emotionally, and spiritually when I am working out consistently. Herein lies the dilemma................

I have the HARDEST time running consistently!
It is such a mental thing for me! I can honestly run on Friday, and have myself convinced by Monday that I CANNOT do it! In my mind it becomes this insurmountable thing that I CANNOT overcome! I don't know why I do this!! Some of it could be pride. I want to look like the picture of the fit girl running, and not so much like Homer running off the jelly rolls-ha(Please don't judge my picture of Homer....it just happened to depict my feelings so exactly I HAD to post it-ha)! I think my mind just says "I CANNOT subject myself to huffing my jiggly self down the road for God and everybody to see!" Totally self defeatist I KNOW! Obviously, consistent running would help with those jiggles, but it is whether I am willing to struggle through the not pretty, difficult aspects of running to achieve THAT GOOD THING (maybe not looking like the fit running girl, but being healthy and honoring the LORD with my body)!

I think it is the same in my spiritual life. So often I don't want to work on those ugly parts of me that God reveals...I want to hide them under the attire of flattering actions and pleasing words. Sometimes getting in shape spiritually means other people see my jiggly parts as I am working on them. Sometimes it means people are going to be grossed out or pitying when they see my lack of perfection and my sinful trouble spots all hanging out there. It comes down to whether or not I am willing to be humiliated today for the healthier tomorrow? Am I willing to let God break through my facade of beauty, and really work on the lumps and bumps? Does not wanting other to see me as unattractive keep me from dealing with and working on areas in my life? I guess what I am saying is that I'm not going to go out running in my sports bra and short shorts. But if you are offended by the sight of a imperfect girl jogging by you in sweats-I apologize...I'm just trying to get in shape;)!
"...Let us throw off everything that hinders, and the sin that so easily entangles, and LET US RUN with perseverance the race that is marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1

Two Cute/Too Cute!

Can we just take a moment to enjoy all the cuteness!?!

Don't you just want to eat this little pumpkin up?

I wanna take this monkey home with me!!!

Yay for cuteness!

I may be biased, but I don't know if I have ever seen a cuter monkey or pumpkin!
Much Love Amelia and Penelope
Aunt Michelle
*You are welcome for the adorableness of this post!

Ahhh....Saturdays!

"Middle age is when you are sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you." ~Ogden Nash

Ahhhh...Saturdays are my favorite days! I love getting to sleep in later, and relax with a nice cup of coffee. Lately, I have really enjoyed taking my coffee onto the back porch of the apartment. I sip and enjoy crisp cool air and views similar to the picture above. The leaves changing in VA have been a beautiful thing to behold, but I will have to save my ponderings (which I have many) about seasons and fall and beauty for my post about Autumn!

I did not think that Saturdays would matter as much since I don't have a job, but I find that I look forward to them just as much as when I was employed. Saturdays are usually days when my dear sister, bro-in-law, and niece will pack up their car and head out on a Discover Virginia Trip! I LOVE these people dearly, but I must say that I am never very tempted to join them-ha! I choose instead to stay at home, where I linger over coffee on the back porch, spend a few hours doing laundry and cleaning-not having to worry about intruding on others as I do this, and then cleaning myself and enjoying the fruits of my labor with a good book or movie (is that the worst run on sentence!). It is heaven!

I could say this hermit crab tendency is a result of moving to VA where I don't know many people, and my desire to have some alone time in the apartment. This, though, would not me true. I must admit that given a choice I would probably always choose a low key Saturday with no makeup then going out and about. I think the cool weather outside and coziness of inside just adds to the appeal for me. My dream Saturday would be to wake up, go for a long walk or hike, hit up a local coffee shop for coffee and something sweet and yummy, come home and CLEAN my house and then myself, and then pick up something delicious to eat (don't want to dirty up my kitchen cooking-ha), and enjoy it while watching a good movie or reading a good book! Sounds like heaven to me (though not really middle age, I totally relate to the above quote-ha).

I lived in Athens,GA before I moved to Virginia, and there were Saturdays where this is exactly what I did. There was a coffee shop in walking distance to the condo I lived in, and my roommate and I would go for a walk and then sit and talk the morning away over coffee (this didn't happen as much as it should have , though!). I am SO thankful today for the time to enjoy those things. Now in Virginia is a very different time. Many days are spent looking for a job and helping with my niece and just wondering around trying to figure out what to do with myself-ha! I know I drive my sister, Jen, CRAZY! It is only a three bedroom apartment, so there is not a lot of room to wonder around!! I am thankful for this time as well, though. Whereas before every moment (in my mind) was mine to do with what I wanted, I now am needing to take others into consideration-and that is a very GOOD thing to be required of me-I tend to be selfish! But, it is still always with great anticipation that I look forward to the semblance of normalcy and well being that a cozy Saturday brings! All those colorful leaves right now are just a bonus!!

Why a Blog?

This is a very good question- I believe- to start this thing off with! Let me see...I think there are several answers for me. One of the reasons is to keep in touch with friends and family. I wrote in my "about me" that I have recently relocated to VA, and I love the idea of keeping in touch this way! Another reason to blog is I believe God has really been teaching me a lot, and I think/HOPE as I stumble my way through it it could be encouraging to others out there. My last reason for blogging would be that people keep telling me that I should do it-ha! Seriously, I do enjoy sharing what God is doing in my life with others. Plus, I seem to have an affinity for finding myself in unusual/potentially embarrassing situations that others seem to find entertaining-ha. What can I say...awkwardness is my gift!

So, my hope for any who read is to encourage, humor, confide, and hopefully through my MANY mistakes maybe have a little wisdom! I warn you now that I have NEVER baked bread, cooked a full dinner without using a microwave, crafted anything particularly beautiful, or used a coupon (although I dearly LOVE all blogs that do this....I like to live vicariously through these women-ha). I have however fallen on my face on a first date, walked very loudly straight into a wall, introduced my male boss by his wife's name to friends, locked my keys in my car so many times I should own a locksmith company, broken an engagement, had a broken heart, had many jobs, made LOTS of mistakes, hated God, believed God hated me, been legalistic, been judgemental of legalistic people, been rebellious, been perfectionist, been condemned, and THANKFULLY been saved by a loving and patient LORD!

Thanks for patience as I find my rhythm in the writing! Should be fun!