My entrance into the dating scene didn't really kick-off until college. Having managed to survive high school without the usual relationship traumas, I guess I was ready to make up for lost time (I don't know how else I could explain the flirting, 'cause OH MY SHAME at all the flirting. I cringe to this day!). From the get-go I displayed an uncanny ability to date the most inappropriate and unsuitable guys!
I would begin my relationships knowing that the other guy was interested, knowing that I was NOT interested(for obvious reasons such as inappropriate circumstances or unsuitable character-not that I was such a catch...have I mentioned all the flirting??), and believing it to be the perfect way for me to meet my need to be wanted without chancing becoming attached or being vulnerable (God? He didn't even factor into the equation). Much to the detriment of my plans, I always overestimated my ability to stay detached and independent. Thus, I would find myself in relationships with guys I did NOT like, but was convinced I could not live without. What can I say? I wanted to be in control, and I was very VERY stupid (it's okay to say this. I have two sisters who will confirm it-ha!).
The problem with my approach to dating (besides the obvious), was when I was depending on my needs being fulfilled by another person-I was no longer in control . Some part of my ability to be a whole person rested on the shoulders of this other human being. You can't hold all control and be relying on another person....it just doesn't work that way. I suppose you could say I was pretty much Dating the Devil (actually at one time I thought I really was dating Satan, but it probably was just a guy who was not that nice -oh, I'm kidding! kind of...).
Like the serpent seducing Eve to eat the fruit in the Garden of Eden, I believe Satan caresses the ears of girls with the idea that they can "have it all, be in control, date carelessly, be the "god" of their dating life", or in other words-"Eat that fruit Eve, surely you will not die". The problem is...it's not true. Oh, it may be fun for a time, but in the end we always lose. Like, Eve getting kicked out of the garden, like broken hearts and empty lives, like marriages and divorce. Eventually, the things craved and sought become ash in your mouth...they sift through you...leaving you empty and hungry no matter how much you partake.
All I know is that Satan courted me like I was a lady ( I was willing to court him...I chose it), and left me like a tramp when I fell in love with his lies. I was a foolish, foolish girl. I though I could play with the poison fruit and not eat it, eat it and not die. I think
many girls...many CHRISTIAN girls fall for this. They either buy the lie that without a man they can not have full contentment and joy, or that they can date on their terms and not suffer.
I am 29 years old now, and have not been on a date in three years (OK, Don't Freak Out single ladies-ha! I am NOT in anyway believing if you let God control your dating you are in for 3yrs of no dating-ha! ). It has taken almost this entire time to heal from the damage I imposed by dating my own way (this is just the damage I did to myself...I cannot begin to think of all those who were hurt by my behavior). I do not really miss the dating scene. I am wooed now by Someone who cares for me. Someone who has taken His time to heal my wounds and clean my past (Hosea 2:5-20). Someone who loved me first and forgave me everything. I know full love, contentment, and joy. My wish is that every girl could know how high, how deep, how boundless the love of God is for her. Maybe then the devil wouldn't look so good...
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD. He will be like a brush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives.
BUT blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out roots by the stream, it does not fear when heat comes, its leaves are always green, It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond all cure. Who can understand it?"
Jeremiah 17:5-9
**DISCLAIMER: of the many guys I dated, there were a couple who were excellent men. I truly respected and appreciated them in my life. I DID in fact like them before I dated them-ha! I think if anyone was the inappropriate choice in these relationships-it was me, and I am glad I had/have the chance to know them.
